Rant

The background: Yesterday I was needing some "me" time. Bree was driving me crazy. The house was a MESS, Bree was extra needy and I was in a bad mood. So I asked Steve to watch Bree. He tells me he is busy and cant. (He was playing with the neighbor. They were taking the pipe rack off his truck and cracking jokes) So I break down and start crying and freaking out because if I hear "mamamamama" One. More. Time...AGHHH! So after yelling and freaking out he's like why didn't you just ask me?! grrrrrr

So as he's walking away I tell him Please just keep Bree in your sight,OK? He's like ok. So I try to calm down and collect myself and start to clean. But I feel totally weird. Its amazing how fast you can walk with nobody under your feet! So I look outside to check on them and Bree is no where in sight!! Grrrrr. (She was inside playing with the neighbor girls, who are not old enough to watch bree. So that means their mom is stuck watching them because you know Steve isn't checking on her) So I'm torn between going over and getting her and getting my much needed alone time/cleaning done. So I just sat and cried. LOL

So I finally decide to quit crying and go clean. She'll be fine. Steve is a good dad...Relax! So I got a lot done. I went and got Bree for her nap then Steve took her again afterwards. So I had a whole day,practically to myself...Cleaning.

But by the time I went and got her she was freaking out. She was like really crying. She never cries like that. How Fn long was she crying!? goddamnit! It took me a good hour or so to calm her down. She wouldn't even let me put her down. :( So now I'm feeling like a awful selfish mother. Poor baby! That was waaay to long to be away from her. I still feel like shit. And I'm kinda upset with Steve for pawning her off on the neighbor kids instead of watching her himself. He says he cant. She cries and squirms....Yeah no shit! He drives me crazy. He'll "watch" bree by turning on the TV then getting frustrated with her and start yelling and screaming and try to hold her down..Which freaks her out...(((sigh)))

Like today, I was looking for my razor (new, still in the box) and I was getting frustrated because I couldn't find it and Bree was under my feet. I ask Steve to distract her and he says "come here brianna" without even taking hid eyes off the TV. Then I'm like "babe please take her. I'm getting frustrated and if I yell it'll scare her and I'll never ever be able to shave." He gets all huffy and next thing I know I hear "Brianna stop it!!!!!" HELLO!? She bursts out crying...blah!!

I feel so guilty!:( But I've decided I need more time to be me. This way I'll be a better wife and mother. So I'm going to ask my mom/sister to watch Bree for an hour or 2 while I go for a run once a week. I hate to say it but I don't trust Steve. He works too much and he puts work ahead of everything. So If I wait for him, it'll never happen. Plus, He'd fall asleep and leave bree to roam the house unattended. I trust my mom and sister and Bree loves them. I just gotta find a day that works for everyone and stick to it. I still feel guilty for even wanting me time but...I need it. Is that bad?

And while I'm at it, LOL Every time I tell Steve I'm tired/had a long day whatever. He has to say how he woke up earlier and is waaay more tired than I am and how his day was sooo much longer (((rolls eyes))) WHATEVER. ugh!

Maybe I'm PMS'n. Who knows!

If you got this far thanks for listening.